š” Intro
I was 10 years old when I tried my first diet. I was eating lots of sugary foods and my body started depositing them in ways I didnāt like. Deciding to restrict myself from something I was very much enjoying was the first step towards a journey of frustration, guilt and constant negative mind chatter. After almost 20 years of alternating restrictive diets with giving in to all my cravings, I finally stepped into a different mindset which ended the struggle for good.
š§ The various obstacles on the road
How can I listen to my body when my body is silent?
I rarely felt my body signalling me to stop eating sugary foods. It seemed like my sweet tooth manifested like a superpower. I could eat 4 boxes of chocolate (around 100 Ferrero Rocher chocolate candies) after a 2 course dinner and not feeling any type of discomfort. Iām pretty confident I can still do it, I just decide not to. Bear in mind I did all my annual check ups and, thankfully, nothing was ever off.
How can I watch what I eat, without cooking for myself?
On top of this, I never cooked. When I was living with my parents they were the ones taking care of my supply of cooked meals. After that, I just relied on restaurants, food delivery services and stuff I could get from the supermarket directly onto my plate.
Listening to the āexpertsā
In my quest to lose weight, I tried a lot of diets. I followed āexpertā advice telling me to drink vinegar and snack on green leafs. I opted for extreme calories deficit most of the time. I drank fat reducing Chinese green tea. I struggled with Atkins, Weight Watchers, Glycemic Index or Cabbage Soup Diet. I tried eating dissociated, vegan, Paleo, low fat, low carb, sugar-free, gluten-free. I also tried a diet that promised to change my metabolism if I would eat small portions of food at fixed hours, even though this hardly fitted my schedule (The Danish Diet). I fasted intermittently with different variations of eating intervals (14/10, 16/8, 20/4).
Setting unrealistic goals and guilt tripping myself
My goal was to lose weight as fast as possible so I could look good for a party, a wedding, the New Yearās Eve or a beach holiday. Sometimes I would aim to fit in smaller pieces of clothing which I bought to āstay motivatedā. Another way to keep my motivation levels up was to surround myself with messages like No pain, no gain. A minute on the lips, forever on the hips. Sweat is fat crying. I smile and cringe while remembering this, but hey, big life lessons are often packaged as failed attempts with cringy wrapping paper.
I actually reached some of these ridiculous goals. I felt proud and empowered for short periods of time, then slipped back into my boxes of rich chocolate and profound sorrow.
š A change in perspective
Last year, before I turned 30, I took some time for introspection.
I donāt think I could have gotten to a change in perspective without going through various experiences, not only related to dieting and self-image, but to life as a whole.
My way of tackling deep life assessments is by writing down my questions, answering them, then going through the same process a few times more, until both the questions and the answers seemed aligned to my core. In identifying this core, I carefully considered my values and how I saw myself 20 years from now.
All I wanted was to be healthy and free myself from deeply engraved mental patterns.
This implied renouncing the idea of losing weight and focusing only on my true goals.
š¶āāļø Moving towards my goals
Accept I donāt know what Iām doing
You would think 20 years of dieting would have taught me a thing or two about healthy eating. At least thatās what I was telling myself. Reality didnāt confirm, though. I was back at square zero, unsatisfied with the way I felt and look, finally accepting defeat.
Define how victory looks like
Even though my goals were crystal clear, the journey towards them was equally important. If being healthy implied renouncing all my favourite foods and battling Bucharest traffic to get to overcrowded gyms, I couldnāt count it as a win.
The desirable outcome was to continue eating delicious meals and be able to perform all the other activities I wanted to pursue during a regular day.
Get in touch with someone who embodies that idea of victory
I was following many online coaches scrolling through Insta, hoping for a miracle.
One of them caught my attention more than once. She looked healthy, fit and very close to my idea of an ideal female body. All her clients seemed to eat decadent desserts, sweet snacks, pizza, pasta and other foods which you donāt usually find in diet plans.
Of course, the recipes were adapted to healthier versions with smaller portions, less fat and no sugar. There were also plenty of good nutritious alternatives like salads and fruits. No macronutrients category was banned. Carbs and healthy fats were not considered enemies. Balance was key indeed.
I got in touch and started one of her group programs, followed by an individual coaching plan, followed by all the other group programs she released since then.
Choose your battles
The hardest part was cooking. That was a skill I didnāt possess. I had to constantly remind myself I play for the long term and stick to what I was doing. It wasnāt easy, but it got better after a few weeks.
There were 2 things that kept me going. One was accepting fast that all my free time will be spent cooking and planning until I get the handle of it. This translated into 4 weeks of less to no Netflix, no working outside the working hours, no meetings with friends, no sitting around contemplating past mistakes. The second was the taste of the food. I was free to experiment and found hacks to make my meals tasty and delicious. Tasty AND healthy? Oh my, it felt like I hit the jackpot.
Accept not everyone will be on board. Find one supporter.
My new lifestyle was frowned upon a lot. As you might know, people donāt embrace change easily. I was told I got too thin, too weird, too crazy. People took their time to thoroughly explain to me why my ambition is not sustainable or that I seemed happier when I was eating junk food. Iām not saying they were mistaking. Many times I was thinking the same things they were speaking out loud. I knew, however, that all these stages were part of my transformation and I just had to focus on getting through.
My biggest supporter was, luckily, my partner, Alex. He would encourage me, listen to my complaints and celebrate my little wins. Having someone whoās constantly on your side makes a huge difference. Whenever I felt like dropping it all, he was there to remind me of the reason I started it in the first place.
Watch your thoughts
Still, there were many times when I thought I was kidding myself. This is not who you are, you will get back to your previous self as soon as the program ends. This is too hard. See, you said youāll have one cheat meal and made it into a cheat week.
As James Clear puts it:
| True change is identity change.
When I try to build different habits, I pay close attention to my self deprecating thoughts. Looking back, what drove the successful outcome was sustained self awareness every step of the way.
Repeat until it becomes second nature
The mind chatter on the subject continued at different intensities for around 8 months. During the winter holidays I ate whatever I wanted. This time, the guilt tripping sessions inside my mind were less daunting. I was able to resume my healthy habits in no time. My transformation process was completed. What seemed almost impossible in the beginning was now second nature.
š Final thoughts
All self improvement practices boil down to choosing the long term over the short term.
In order to keep playing the long term game, I created short term hacks that suited me. Trying out different flavours and tastes made the process pleasurable even when it got really hard.
I can now take on other goals like gaining muscle, getting leaner, etc, but for the moment my priorities revolve around my work at cv30 and keeping this blog updated. Whenever Iāll choose to take on a new challenge, Iāll let you know.Ā
| The reason to win the game is so that you can be free of it. Naval Ravikant.
š§āšØ Inspiration:
The coach Iām talking about is Mihaela Stoica, you can find her on instagram at body_by_miha and reach out to her. Her group programs are available on fitmall.ro You can also contact her for personalised meal or training plans. From what I know, she also takes on international clients.
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